*Last night I went for a run about 8:30pm. Summer nights here in central Oregon are pine scented and soft. I was having a hard day. Too many unresolved issues surrounding life. I felt heavy. The path I chose to run was unexplored by me and I found myself running up a lava strewn, bumpy path glimpsing the brilliant pink sky above the tree line. I could tell I might crest the hill and be able to see the end of the sunset. But I got there too late.
I was sad. I found my heart saying "Really, God? I was looking for your beauty here...I need some of your beauty to get through this stuff." Many, many times when life is overwhelming to me God will bring me to something beautiful he made to remind me of his goodness. I felt jipped. I climbed a lava rock outcropping anyway and just stood and talked to God a bit (I always wonder what someone will think if they come upon me up talking out loud to God...it hasn't happened yet but I'm sure will be an amusing story when it does!). It's a rather cloudy night and I'm just kind of bemoaning life out loud and feeling a bit lost. Then I turn around and stop - a bit breathless.
A bold, bright full moon is shining out of the clouds opposite of the sunset.
There are clouds all around it. There is no space...no big expanse of open sky for the moon to shine out of. Just clouds and moon. I get teary with hope and KNOW God is showing me his beauty, just differently than I imagined. I wasn't too late after all.
We had some grand hopes for The Well Project. We hoped there would be lots of movement....opportunities to sing...lots of CD's sold to raise money for wells. The journey hasn't been what we hoped. It's been slow. We've sold some CD's. We've sang a few times. It's difficult not to feel disappointed. Questions swirl... maybe the music doesn't speak to people? Did God really ask us to do this? Are we doing it wrong? Is it ever going to go anywhere?
We don't have too many answers. There are a few things we hold to. We are doing what we love. God made each of us to do this...so whatever the impact or result, we love doing it. Each of us has been changed for the better by the process. We've sought God differently, hoped bigger, and stepped out to risk our hearts. And we know God is God. He does things in unsearchable ways. We can't always pinpoint how the journey will unfold. And I was reminded last night...when we look for his beauty, his presence - we might not find him exactly as we imagine we will. But He WILL show up. Sometimes we have to turn around. Sometimes we have to have the faith to believe we aren't too late but right in the space he wants us.
I'll leave you with words from one of our new songs.
Not Me
I scorn how the brokenness I carry
Harms your soul and poisons your spirit
I feel hopeless, heavy and wary
Like the wound is all too inherent
O how do I live
When I am not me
I can’t find you
Do I even see?
I’m living so blindly
Living so blindly
I am not me
The truth seems foggy and far from me
A burning belief buried by my bonds
Damage tangles my heart with debris
Yet Christ is in me yearning to respond
You answer with stars that fly through the sky
With water a blue I cannot describe
Your constancy in every dark night
Mercy laden God of light
*My cousin Hannah Nord took the above picture. I love it. It seems like it is exactly how God shines brilliantly though the forest might be dark.
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