Beautiful Ending

I have not blogged for a long time. There is not much news on The Well Project front per se. We are still continuing to play every once in awhile and sell cd's. Our church's umbrella, Outward Projects, is still involved deeply in Uganda. Check out www.outwardprojects.com.

I write often on my Facebook page and just thought I'd throw out some food for thought.


Beautiful Ending
by barlowgirl

O, tragedy, you’ve taken so many
Love lost cause they all forgot who you were
And it scares me to think that I would choose my life over you
My selfish heart defines me from you
It tears us apart

So tell me - What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful?
So beautiful?

O why do I let myself let go
Of hands that painted the stars and hold tears that fall
And pride of my heart makes me forget
It’s not me but you who makes the heart beat
I’m lost without you, you dying for me

Will my life find me by your side
Your love is beautiful
So beautiful?

At the end of it all, I want to be in your arms
At the end of it all, I want to be in your arms
At the end of it all, I want to be in your arms

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixj6A_ZIuiI

Close your eyes. Play the above youtube link. Don’t waste time viewing the video. It’s horrible. In my mind, it ruins the song. But the words to this song captured my heart. And I want to tell you why after you hear the song.

Do you ever look around you at people who have walked the journey of loving Jesus ahead of you and wonder “What happened?” I do. Sometimes I see people who seem resigned to life and the chaos it brings, other times I see people who I know at one time were ferverently in love with Jesus now come apart at the seams by some tragedy or pain. Sometimes it’s people taken out by an affair or pornography or divorce or bankruptcy. Or at times the saddest thing is lives lived in such a small way. Consumed by pettiness, small issues, bitterness, or just this sort of sickening apathy. I see people just giving up. Most likely believing it can’t get better so why not just self-medicate, look for small pieces of happiness and let go of hope?

This all sounds like judgement. It isn’t. Not that I’m above that. It’s just not where my heart is. I get it actually. I have many times been at the brink of settling for all that. But so far, by his grace, I am still getting up, hoping for more.

I am thinking of this song…I want a beautiful ending. What pitfalls did the people I am speaking of above not make it through? What is to keep me from living a small life? How do I live in such a way that at the end of it all, I am in his arms? How do I live in his arms now? His love really is so beautiful that my throat gets thick when I really get a glimpse of him.

I think of Leigh Barkalow who said “I want to spend it all and die in his arms.” That picture just slams me.

That is adoration. That is being so moved by the sacrifice of a Father, the love of a Father, the goodness of a Father that nothing else compares to intimacy with Him. And every true beat of my heart cries out for that. It’s just the living life that gets in the way. The day in, day out living that sneaks my own heart away from me, substituting small pleasures, meaningless indulgences for the miraculous and deep love affair with God.

I am praying for a beautiful ending for me, for you, for us all. May we be satisfied with nothing less than a daily love affair with the God of the ages who calls us his friend, his love, his delight. And may this love affair so cause us to have an overflow of love in our hearts, that we can't help but leak his beauty into every aspect of community we belong to.

Mercy laden God of light

*

Last night I went for a run about 8:30pm. Summer nights here in central Oregon are pine scented and soft. I was having a hard day. Too many unresolved issues surrounding life. I felt heavy. The path I chose to run was unexplored by me and I found myself running up a lava strewn, bumpy path glimpsing the brilliant pink sky above the tree line. I could tell I might crest the hill and be able to see the end of the sunset. But I got there too late.

I was sad. I found my heart saying "Really, God? I was looking for your beauty here...I need some of your beauty to get through this stuff." Many, many times when life is overwhelming to me God will bring me to something beautiful he made to remind me of his goodness. I felt jipped. I climbed a lava rock outcropping anyway and just stood and talked to God a bit (I always wonder what someone will think if they come upon me up talking out loud to God...it hasn't happened yet but I'm sure will be an amusing story when it does!). It's a rather cloudy night and I'm just kind of bemoaning life out loud and feeling a bit lost. Then I turn around and stop - a bit breathless.

A bold, bright full moon is shining out of the clouds opposite of the sunset.

There are clouds all around it. There is no space...no big expanse of open sky for the moon to shine out of. Just clouds and moon. I get teary with hope and KNOW God is showing me his beauty, just differently than I imagined. I wasn't too late after all.

We had some grand hopes for The Well Project. We hoped there would be lots of movement....opportunities to sing...lots of CD's sold to raise money for wells. The journey hasn't been what we hoped. It's been slow. We've sold some CD's. We've sang a few times. It's difficult not to feel disappointed. Questions swirl... maybe the music doesn't speak to people? Did God really ask us to do this? Are we doing it wrong? Is it ever going to go anywhere?

We don't have too many answers. There are a few things we hold to. We are doing what we love. God made each of us to do this...so whatever the impact or result, we love doing it. Each of us has been changed for the better by the process. We've sought God differently, hoped bigger, and stepped out to risk our hearts. And we know God is God. He does things in unsearchable ways. We can't always pinpoint how the journey will unfold. And I was reminded last night...when we look for his beauty, his presence - we might not find him exactly as we imagine we will. But He WILL show up. Sometimes we have to turn around. Sometimes we have to have the faith to believe we aren't too late but right in the space he wants us.

I'll leave you with words from one of our new songs.

Not Me

I scorn how the brokenness I carry
Harms your soul and poisons your spirit
I feel hopeless, heavy and wary
Like the wound is all too inherent

O how do I live
When I am not me
I can’t find you
Do I even see?
I’m living so blindly
Living so blindly
I am not me

The truth seems foggy and far from me
A burning belief buried by my bonds
Damage tangles my heart with debris
Yet Christ is in me yearning to respond

You answer with stars that fly through the sky
With water a blue I cannot describe
Your constancy in every dark night
Mercy laden God of light

*My cousin Hannah Nord took the above picture. I love it. It seems like it is exactly how God shines brilliantly though the forest might be dark.

A few days ago I had coffee with David Uttley. David is the leader behind The Thirst Project. The Thirst Project is another effort that The Well Project joins with to raise money for wells in the Mt. Elgon region of Uganda. Both projects are part of our local church's Outward Ministries. The Well Project uses music to raise money and The Thirst Project uses photographs. I thought I would share what I wrote for David's blog here on The Well Project blog. We are using different media's to accomplish the same goals...clean water and sanitation for the people in and surrounding Kapchorwa, Uganda. Thanks for reading.

There is a village high in the Mt. Elgon region of Uganda called Mengya. It is a small village with children whose noses run and who have small bodies with scabs that do not heal. The people look unwell. Ill. Tired and low on hope. They tread down a steep ravine daily to get their clean water. Little girls as young as three, make the trip alone to fill their water bottles. Trip after long trip, day after day. Weary bodies housing weary souls. Has God forgotten them? Is there a God?

In Kapchorwa, below the village of Mengya is a church of Jesus followers who have tasted life-giving, breathing water. The need in the village above is not so different from their own. Christ Glorious Church has more resources and they have dreams. They dream of taking the gospel of living water to this little village. They desire to put hands and feet to Jesus’ words by helping to provide clean water. They want to create a gravity water system so that the fresh mountain streams high above will pour water down to this thirsty village. They have a desire…a passion to follow Jesus in the practicality of meeting thirst. They lack knowledge and education to follow through with their dreams. The Thirst Project hopes to partner with them to provide some of the missing parts needed to accomplish their dreams for taking the gospel to Mengya.

The Thirst Project began with a similar desire. To use photographs to express the need of Uganda. The thirst of Uganda. It’s a Moses story of sorts…desire to help people but not feeling qualified to do the work. It’s a crawl before you run sort of story. The desire makes the team want to jump in and just start raising money for wells and installing them wherever people are thirsty. Then wisdom comes in and covers the desire with an impression that crawling must be done before walking or running. So, The Thirst Project is crawling now.

Crawling at this point is being educated about water systems from Lifewater. Lifewater is an organization committed to “equipping partner organizations and working with them to empower communities in developing countries to gain safe water, adequate sanitation, effective hygiene, and the knowledge of Jesus love.” Key people involved in The Thirst Project will be taking a course to understand how you walk into a culture that is not your own, and teach them how to use their own resources to improve their quality of life verses waltzing in and doing it for them. To inform, educate, and provide skills rather than create dependence and cripple initiative.

Crawling is fixing the existing wells that are in need of repair. In our zeal, we did run for a bit and put two wells in that are no longer functioning. What kind of message about Jesus does a broken well speak? It is on our agenda to repair these broken wells. The Thirst Project is committed to teaching the communities who house these wells how to maintain them and keep them fully functioning.

God is here. He is in this. You see his fingerprints in the orchestrating of details…four key people at a conference about water. A divinely appointed, yet impromptu meeting happened between David, Godwin, Dan Stevens (director of Lifewater) and Deleo Moses Ocen (director of Divine Waters, a Ugandan Lifewater partner). These key people are desire, passion, wisdom and knowledge put together. All the pieces needed for a complicated but inspired vision.
But, as much in our lives with God, there is waiting. Waiting to follow him. Watching to see where he moves first before jumping ahead.
The Thirst Project is crawling and waiting. But make no mistake, there will be stories coming your way of what it looks like to walk and then run. It will be exciting. It will be imperfect. It will be good. Follow the stories. Examine how God might want you to crawl, wait, walk and then run. Your story will look different. But it matters. We are all needed here.

Bravely Risk

By now most of us have seen Susan Boyle's performance on YouTube or Britains Got Talent. Whoever we are, wherever we've come from - I think we are moved by this clip of humanity. I wanted to dance watching this unlikely piece of talent open her mouth and turn jeering faces into open mouthed wonder. To see some one's dream come true right in front of you is uncommonly beautiful. Her voice was powerful. She paired her voice and life with the perfect song. She sang her heart through every word. Seeing the judges look past her outward appearance and be stunned by her vocal talent gave me a small measure of hope for our often shallow world and my often shallow self. As much as I loved ALL of this....my favorite part was watching Susan walk off the stage unaware that the judges were calling her back. It looked like she thought she had lived her dream and lived it well. Little did she know, her dream of singing in front of a large audience had been fulfilled and had just begun at the same time. Her little dance of unbelievable fortune was one of the most precious expressions of joy I have seen. Her life will never be the same for bravely risking to live out her dreams.

What if this story was true for you too?

I know it sounds too good to be true. Believe me, I know. The reason this story grabs our souls is that it is written down deep in each of us. To matter. To have such a powerful gift to reveal that the world will not be the same for our reveal. It is a hunger in me. In you, I believe. And IT IS TRUE of you. You do have such a gift to offer. Sometimes it's buried under ill-fitting clothes and a bad hair-do. Or sometimes under fear and disbelief. But it is there. You are there. And you are needed. There is only ONE of you. We need you.

Your gift may not be unwrapped by such a large audience as Susan's. But each time you offer your deep heart, your deep gift to even one person, the Christ in you touches the Christ in the other and each of are changed irreversibly.

My question is this: What do you long to offer to the world? To your friends, your family, your neighbors? And will you risk running after it in humility with God? I dare say if you do - when you think you've offered all you can - you'll have just begun.

This is the story behind the hearts of The Well Project. Each of us rising above pain and unbelief to offer our words, our music, our voices because it is the great love of our hearts and (we hope) a power for the good of Uganda.

Unforced Life

I want to write something today. Yet I don't have any great ideas.

I'll just share what's on my mind today. I don't know that it has a real link to The Well Project except that it appears to me that whatever God is doing in our hearts here...it is all somehow connected to the greater good of his kingdom. Africa, Oregon, New York, or China.

I have been reading a book recently that has changed my way of looking at church and community. I have long time been of the belief that church happens less in a building than it does in real life...walking your dog, having coffee with a neighbor, talking to the check-out lady at the grocery, or connecting with a long lost friend on Facebook. The kingdom that the Bible talks about seems to be all around us, just veiled a bit.

Back to the book. There was a paragraph that spoke to me. I'm going to paraphrase a bit.

So many times we try to figure out what we are supposed to "do" to be followers of Jesus. Spiritual disciplines, service, fellowship...or any other buzz word you want to insert. What if, instead, we focused our time and efforts on connecting intimately with Jesus? Not worrying about anything but soaking in His love?

I can hear the criticism already... That would be self-serving. That would be sticking our heads in the sand. You have to have the disciplines to experience God. And many others.

I disagree.

I have a feeling that if we were so consumed, overwhelmed, and enraptured with the love God has for us...our life in Him would pour out of us. Our love would be so true and unforced that we wouldn't have to try to love. We would love without thinking. Our frustrations with the people around us would be burnt up with the holiness that the love of Jesus provides. I think all the other buzz words I mentioned would come into alignment at the right time and in the right way if our hearts were set on Him.

That is what is banging around in my head today. I'm asking God to expand this in my heart and life. I hope it is of some value to your journey.

And for the record...I am not anti-organized church. I just believe it is part of the pathway we live with Jesus, not the crux of it...

I love your comments. Please share your thoughts.

Rescue

My friend, Janet, recently returned from Uganda. She told many touching stories but the one that grabbed my heart was this.

Our church partners with Africal Renewel Ministries to sponsor children. The sponsorships include education, a free daily meal, and medical care. Janet was in the ARM's office while they were bringing parents in to let them know their child had been sponsored. These families wait on a list for long periods of time. Every parent was grateful to have a child chosen. But one woman was profoundly moved. When she was told her child was to be sponsored, she fell to the ground with her hands in the air blessing our church and blessing God.

That woman and her child experienced a rescue. It must have felt like a weight that wore marks in this mom's shoulders was no longer present. Like a hope and a joy came in like a rush, bringing her to the floor in relief.

When I write the word rescue, I think of many things. The times Jesus has rescued me from myself. The beautiful rescue of friends that I didn't think would ever understand his love. The raw rescue of the woman at the well. The rescue of my marriage by a Jesus who intervenes in our stories with intimacy and touching strength. The surprising rescue in the knowledge of a gospel that is more beautiful than I ever imagined. The way Jesus rescued Zaccheus while he watched life pass him by from a tree. I could go on and on.

So, I want to ask... how have you been rescued? What has brought you, body and soul, to the ground in relief?

It is a big question. Do you dare answer it?

Jesus, you are our rescue. Our only hope, our very sure future. May we consider how you have loved us and out of the overflow of that love, live out your rescue on this earth. In Uganda, at the grocery store, as we tuck our kids in at night. Amen.

(I recently found out that Amen means - So be it.)

Uphill

Janet Storton has created a ministry called Sisters of the Heart in Kapchorwa, Uganda. She left last Monday to meet with the U.S. Embassy in Uganda to recieve a grant she had been awarded to further her efforts. Sisters of the Heart is a ministry that teaches women to sew and gives them opportunity to provide an income for their family. They also create micro-loans to encourage people to create ways to sustain themselves. As I sat down with Janet over coffee to talk about her upcoming trip, I was surprised by a few things.







Christine, who I wrote a post about earlier, is one of the key women in the Sisters of the Heart ministry. What doesn't Christine do? She is amazing in my eyes. Sisters of the Heart was started because Christine begged Janet to teach the ladies to quilt. Janet agreed and the ministry morphed out of Christine's desire. Now Janet has recieved a grant to buy more updated sewing machines and she is applying for a grant to build a vocational school. To me this is breathtaking in several ways: Christine has a desire to create hope for her community. Janet has a heart that is available and hears their need. The government actually applauds Janet's efforts by giving her a grant. Here are two beautiful women living right out of their hearts where God is speaking to them. It is truly lovely. And the immense good God is accomplishing through them is stunning.







Christine and Janet are more alike than they know and they inspire me to live out of my desire, to love from my heart, and to follow God to where he is calling me.







What does this have to do with wells for Uganda? Christine is a woman affected by the lack of clean water. Christine and her daughter haul water 3 times a day to keep their family healthy...alive. If water were more accessable, their lives would be easier. And who knows what Christine might do? Probably accomplish more stunning things on behalf of the people in her community.





And the thought of Christine's daughter, Mercy, hauling water haunts me. Girls as young as 5 haul large containters of water uphill several times a day. I have a 5 year old little girl. I can't imagine her being responsible for hauling water on her head in the heat when she is most likely hungry and thirsty both. It feels hopeless to contemplate that for the rest of your life, you will be hauling water uphill. Try that on. How does it feel to you?





O God of the universe, who lets not a sparrow fall without his knowledge, create in our hearts a desire to impact the lives of little girls who haul water uphill. Give us the words to pray, the ears to hear, and the eyes to see both the need and the beauty.